dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
