How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
