yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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