Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
