Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
