once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
