Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Randomize
