umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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