He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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