did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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