I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
