True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
