If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
