I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
