Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
