Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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