There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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