I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
