I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
