Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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