she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
