whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
third nipple confirmed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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