Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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