Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
even my farts smell like vagina
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
