I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
