How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
