Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
