I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize