I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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