I wish my penis had an off switch
At least make sure they are 18
Why
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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