It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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