honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it because I queefed?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
