ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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