I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A bitchslap is in order.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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