Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
