Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
