The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
