how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
