Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
