im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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