Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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