Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
