dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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