All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
