Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
