I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
