My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
