Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
