We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
