Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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