Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
