What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
