Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
