I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
