so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
