You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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