I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
