I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
