I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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