Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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