sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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