I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
