And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
