So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
