I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
