Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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