I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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