I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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