Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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