so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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