Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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