I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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