I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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